Random Situations
by KitsuneGirl911
Summary: Who knew everyday life could be so... Funny!
1. POPPIES!

POPPIES!

I DO NOT PROMOTE DRUG USE IN ANY WAY. IN FACT I HATE THEM… BUT FOR HUMOR'S SAKE… I'LL LET THIS SLIDE… standard disclaimers apply

* * *

It was just another quiet day, until…

"WE HAVE TO HAVE A GARDEN!"

This blew everyone out of their stupor forcefully.

"Gah! Anna!" Yoh shrieked. (very un-manlylike)

She shoved a book in his face; she was breathless and practically ecstatic.

"It says here that one of the most important things to have that will calm people is a garden!" She calmed down abruptly. "We don't have one." The unspoken command was 'make one!'

Everyone was silent for a moment.

Then…

"You want us to make you a garden?" HoroHoro was extremely confused.

"How soon?" HoroHoro questioned, hoping they didn't have to do the whole job in an hour or something crazy like that.

"What will we plant in it?" Manta asked in confusion, but he was interrupted by Faust.

"POPPIES!"

Everyone stared at the doctor, who still had one fist raised triumphantly in the air.

"NO! The Poro Poro!" exclaimed HoroHoro.

Anna shook her head.

"They only grow in Australia you dolt."

"Oh…"

"Wait," started Ren, "Doesn't that mean that you were named after a flower? How queer."

HoroHoro jumped up.

"I'll show ya 'queer' you little-"

He was interrupted by Anna. (No one can finish much of anything can they?)

"Poppies are good… they'll grow here… They look nice… Faust, it's a deal. Poppies it is. You can plant them." She pointed at Faust, who smiled happily… Which was odd. Then Anna pointed to the others. "You can build the actual garden. NOW GET TO WORK!"

Everyone (except Faust) jumped up and started working feverishly, in fear of Anna's wrath. Meanwhile, Faust took his own sweet, leisurely time walking to the store to buy poppy seeds. His very slow, leisurely time… But then he started skipping, which weirded out everybody who lived there, Obo the Hobo, and the neighbors' cat… But it was really Obo's… Because they have no neighbors… Anyway, it was pretty weird.

Eventually he had left, but somehow, ten minutes later, came back with the seeds. Actually QUITE A LOT of seeds. No really, when I say a lot I mea-

Anyhoo… he came back... But it should take 48 minutes just to get into town… ((Haru: A mystery…. Me: You aren't in this anime! Haru: TT So? Me: --U)) However, no one questioned him. (They were too afraid of facing Anna's wrath to stop and talk.) Approximately four hours later the garden was finished. Except there was nothing planted in it… Faust immediately sprung up out of nowhere, shooing everyone away.

"I want the arrangement to be a secret… So SHOO!"

Everyone left in fear of being hacked into tiny bits, as Faust was prone to do…

Another few hours later, Faust had finished as well, and he had managed to fit all of the seeds into it too… ((Haru: TT Another mystery… Me: pushes Haru over OX tipping! XD)) Yet again, no one questioned Faust's odd behavior.

Except HoroHoro… Who was stupid enough to do so…stupidly…

"Why did you pick poppies anyway?"

Faust frowned.

"Do you not know? Can you honestly not know?" He smiled suddenly. "It's a cheap substitute for morphine!" He twitched.

"Morphine?"

Twitch.

"Yes, morphine." Another twitch.

"That's freaky man… Why the hell would you want to get hooked on morphine? It does some weird stuff to y- Oh…"

"What do you mean, 'Oh'? You think I'm," He paused, walking over to the unfortunate HoroHoro, close enough that HoroHoro could feel the doctor's breath on his face. "Strange do you?" He drew out the 'strange' part putting extra stress on it. HoroHoro swallowed nervously. Then Faust's face lit up. "No matter!" He went back to skipping around merrily, singing a weird song to the tune Daisy Bell.

"Eliza, Eliza, give me an answer do  
I'm not crazy, just in love with you!"

Everyone stared at him in sheer, unadulterated confusion.

He stopped abruptly, walking back into the house.

Everyone stared after him.

_**SOMETIME DURING SUMMER**_

The flowers had been carefully watered and tended everyday, sprouting, growing shoots…stems… leaves… and now buds…. Which were just about to open. Everyone woke up the next morning to an odd smell.

"What is that?"

"Where's Faust? He's not where he usually is…"

"Don't tell me…"

Anna walked out. Stating simply:

"They bloomed."

Then she left.

Everyone blinked.

"They did? Sweet!" HoroHoro rushed outside, followed by the others.

They came upon what appeared to be thousands of flowers, all blooming in bright colors and all in different shades of red, orange, and yellow, arranged in a way that made it look as if it were a large flame. Faust sat in the very center of it, an odd expression on his face. The same look like he had after his daily morphine dose.

"Um… Faust?"

He turned his head slowly, taking note of the group but not really responding, just shouting…

"POPPIES!" Then passing out.

Odd…

"What the hell?"

"So that's where the smell came from!" Pirka shouted, leaning forward to take a whiff of a large red one. Anna jerked her back quickly.

"Don't." She hissed, "Look what happened to him, and he's a hardened drug addict! Think about it… You could end up dead."

"Don't be so hard on him Anna!" Yoh said disapprovingly.

"What? It's true."

"Well… Yeah, I guess you're right…" Yoh just gave in.

Pirka looked shocked.

"The flowers? Dead?"

Ren nodded, understanding.

"Yes. You would smell that one, get a small taste of the opium, crave more, then eventually have too much in your system and die. Either by heart or lung failure. And even if not you would have…Permanent brain damage." Ren cast a meaningful look at Faust.

Faust sat up quickly.

"I don't have- Whoa… My head…" He had apparently sat up too quickly. How that was possible if he was supposed to slow down… was a mystery.

Anna shook her head.

"Idiot…"

"Nein! You are!" He pointed at HoroHoro, who was… staring off into space. When he noticed everyone staring at him he snapped back into reality.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

"…."

"Nein… Ah… German… Deutschland ist das meister der welt!"

"Damn crazy German…"

"Ist nicht!"

"…..I'm going to guess at that and just say… ARE TOO!"

"NEIN!" Faust started to stand up, but flopped over right after he accomplished the task.

"Vheeeee!"

Ren just slapped a hand over his face.

"Argh! This is too annoying! I'm going inside!"

Anna stopped him.

"If you are… Take him with you."

"Um… Outside is nice though… Yeah, I think I'll stay… out here…"

Anna frowned at him, but did nothing.

Until Faust managed to get up, swaying uncertainly, taking tentative steps over to Ren.

"Ist nicht!"

"GAHHH! Just leave me alone!"

"Nie!" he proceeded to laugh creepily. Very creepily. Rea- Ahem…

In the end, Ren ended up dragging him inside and dumped him unceremoniously in his room to sober up.

"And stay there!"

"Alright!" He smiled happily, then fell over.

"I can't even _stand_ watching this stupidity! It's. Driving. Me. INSANE!"

"You think you're insane? Look at him…" Yoh said, peering into the room. Ren turned around, looking in too.

Faust was trying to lift his large choppy-thingy, (LCT) ((Me: LSD! Lyserg: HEY! )) and failing miserably. It was quite comical really, I mean he could hold it in one hand easily, but now could only _try_ to lift it off the floor with both arms and a _lot_ of force. It got about an inch off the floor…

"NO! Frankie! Help me!"

"It seems to have messed up his power too…"

"Yeah… Just a little… Not…"

Frankie was now slightly fleshed out, looking even more like a zombie, he kept flickering between alive, rotting, and a skeleton. Rather creepy… Okay, scratch that. EXTREMELY FREAKY! But, like the loyal zombie dog he was, he helped the doctor pick it up and…

"VHEEEEEE!"

Swing it around.

"I'm going now…"

Yoh stayed however.

"I want to see if this works…"

Ren raised an eyebrow in question.

"MORPHINE!"

Faust looked up.

"What? Where?" There was no twitch, but his distracted state caused him to let go of his LCT, which made it hit the wall with a crunch… Right next to a shocked Yoh's face. Not what he wanted to happen… Obviously…

"Uh… I'm going to leave now…."

"Oopsie! I almost killed Yoh! Whatever! Nheeheehee!"

And so it was for…

ALL SUMMER.

END

* * *

The first of 5. Next, if you review: Doctor, Doctor. Whee 


	2. Doctor, Doctor

Doctor, Doctor

Yoh sat in his room, puzzled beyond all reason. Which wasn't that rare of an occurrence, mind you, but still, it was enough to be noted. For it was the same question each person in the Onsen had asked themselves.

Why in all the hells did Faust have that funny blue patch?

Yes, that was the sole reason Yoh was in his room, puzzled. And whenever he was puzzled he sat down and thought. For long periods of time. And whenever he thought about things, he peeled oranges. With his feet. This footed-orange peeling thing annoyed Anna to no end, so she had vacated Yoh's presence (fortunately for him).

But now he needed a plan. He must find the answer to this question. He must do so subtly, smoothly…

"Hey Faust? What the hell _is_ that freaky blue patch?" Yoh asked the doctor bluntly.

Well, so much for subtlety…

Faust blinked. For some odd reason… Yoh was peeling an orange… With his feet, he noted absently. Then the question registered. Ah yes… He remembered now…

The room darkened as he faded into his flashback.

"Hey! Who turned out the lights?" Yoh yelled in confusion.

"Spoilsport…" Faust muttered as he flicked the light back on.

But back to his flashback…

WEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOO

It was a warm summer's night, and Faust, albeit looking younger and less cadaverous, was searching for a place to spend the night. He had biked over to a friend's house, but on the way back he had run over his neighbor, a short, annoying man. (He truly was sorry… Really, he was. coughdiditonpurposecough) But on threat of being sued, Faust gave his bike to the man and ran off. He would get it back one way or another…

But now the sun was setting, and he was getting tired. So he decided to just sleep on the grassy hill next to the road. Worse comes to worse, if he got run over by some idiot, he could just sue them… Shortly after he decided this, he was fast asleep.

Not even five seconds after he was out, a group of med-school students drove by. One of them noticed Faust, who was just lying there by the side of the road, so they stopped. Now, Faust has this odd habit that when he's sleeping, his arms lay folded like a corpse's. That, coupled with his unnatural paleness, all that he needed was a lily to complete the look.

So was it any small wonder that they thought him dead?

They lifted him into the back seat, thinking about all the interesting (if illegal) experiments they could do to the 'corpse'. They _are_ rather hard to get for free you know… So they arrived back at their school sneaking Faust back into the dissection room. They were a small group, just three in all.

"Wow, I can't believe we just found this next to the side of the road!" Exclaimed the tallest of the boys happily.

"Yeah imagine that!" The dark haired boy high-fived his comrade.

"Hey, what if this guy's not dead, and he just slept on the side of the road so he could sue someone?" The shortest, and most geeky of the trio asked timidly.

"Shut up Trevor." His friends chorused.

Trevor's shoulders slumped. His friends turned from him, staring at the body in front of them.

"Now…Who wants to find out how this guy died!" shouted the boy with the dark hair, holding up an electric bone saw.

"I do!"

"Yeah!"

So they spent the next few hours doing who knows what, before deciding to stitch him back up so they could carry him out again. As soon as this was completed however, the youngest (and shortest) had an idea, he ran to the table, finding a battery and some wire.

"What the hell is that for?"

"I just want to see something! Please? Can I? CanICanICanICanICanICanICanI? Caaaaan IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?"

"Augh! Fine! Only if you'll shut up!"

Trevor laughed maniacally.

"Dude, that is_ so_ not 'shutting up'…"

"Oops, sorry…"

Trevor then proceeded to put both ends of the wire to Faust's midsection, accidentally effectively killing most of his skin cells in the process, turning a large patch to turn a sickly bluish grey. Trevor was then rewarded with what he sought. The body twitched, and its eyes opened. What he didn't expect, however, was for the 'corpse' to blink a few times, then sit up.

Faust took no notice of his surroundings; he just yawned and stumbled out of the room sleepily, unknowingly giving the three responsible for his dissection nightmares for many a night. Eventually he noticed his new wounds and realized what had happened, more determined than ever to sue someone…

WEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOO

"Faust? Hellooooo?"

Faust blinked.

"Well, I fell asleep… on the side of the road. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go SUE SOMEONE BLIND! AHAHAHAAA!" Faust ran back to his room, leaving Yoh more confused than ever.

"Alrighty then…" Yoh shrugged and ate the orange he had peeled… with his feet.

END


	3. Made in China

Made in China

It all started with a seemingly innocent question, one brought about from the writing on the plate Horohoro was washing.

"If Ren is Chinese, does that mean that he was made in China?"

He hadn't quite meant for it to be said aloud, but apparently it had because Yoh, who was drying the dishes, responded.

"Well, not necessarily, I mean, he could have been 'made' here." Yoh stressed the 'here' part. "Like, in this very room. I mean this _is_ sort of a hotel…"

Horohoro thought about that for a moment. Then he realized what he was thinking about and abruptly stopped.

"Dude, why the hell did you just say that? I mean… Ew…"

Ren had been in the corner, sweeping the entire time. The idiocy of the conversation was starting to bug him.

"Just shut up already!" He yelled, hoping to end the discussion there and then.

Apparently it worked because they remained silent for the next few minutes. Then Horohoro had to peak up again.

"But what if he was-"

"AGH! For your information I _was_ made from China!" He stated, with a hint of pride. Then he stopped to think about what he just said. "Wait…"

Yoh and Horo both cracked up at that.

"Hahaha! So if someone like, poked you or something, you would break?" Yoh asked in between his laughter.

"Nice one!"

Horo and Yoh high-fived triumphantly.

Ren sighed.

"I'm glad your idiocy isn't contagious…"

He turned around, and promptly tripped over the broom he had left by the wall.

"Dammit!"

"Wow, it is!" Horo said…stupidly.

"Dude, that's awesome!" Yoh said, just as dumbly.

They walked out of the kitchen, looking for more people to 'infect'.

Ren sat and fumed for a few minutes, before carefully picking himself up and turning to leave…

And then tripped over the broom again.

END


	4. The Forbidden Pool

The Forbidden Pool

Ok, the walkie-talkie thing is from Thumb Wars, which I recommend you all go watch.

* * *

It was hot, unbearably hot. It was the kind of hot that made even your sweat have sweat! But someone had found a solution. Buried deep in a shed somewhere, Faust had found a deflated kiddy pool. He quickly found and patched the hole in its side, and ran out to fill it with wonderfully cold water. It didn't take long for the others to realize there was relief outside, and they all ran out to get a turn. Now it, being a kiddy pool, was rather small, and only one person could fit in it. And it seemed Faust was determined to keep it for himself.

"What? Faust, you can't be serious!"

"I am. _I _found it so… nyah!"

"But… but it's _so hot_!"

"Finders keepers." Faust stated with a blank expression. It seemed not even Manta could persuade him to share. Now of course, Faust looked comical in that small of a pool, but no one used it against him… they were too attached to their various body parts.

The others trudged back inside in defeat, but once they were out of earshot, Horohoro spoke up.

"I… have a _plan_." Strangely it seemed to echo, though that may have been because he repeated it for a while. Er… seventeen times.

Ren facepalmed. Tamao blinked in curiosity. Manta twitched.

They huddled up to whisper about this 'plan', and only the occasional conspiratorial giggle or other such noise was heard.

Faust sat in the kiddy pool, none the wiser, using a black parasol to keep the sun off him and humming nonsensical tunes.

Little did he know, all hell was about to break loose.

* * *

They hid in their assigned places, waiting for the time to strike. They each had a walkie-talkie, and soon the signal came. A flashlight Morse code message. Of course, the only thing Horohoro knew in Morse code was 'SOS'… but whatever.

"Kshh…Ryu you go in from the left! …Kssh." The walkie-talkie was actually mostly static-free, but hey, it was really fun to add in those sound effects.

"Copy, Stray Dog!" was Ryu's reply.

"Kshh…I don't think I'm Stray Dog…Kssh."

"Copy that Red Rooster!"

"Kshh…I don't think I'm Red Rooster…Kssh."

"No problem, Nasty Butler!" And man, was Ryu having just a _little_ bit too much fun with this codename thing…

"Kshh…Just go in from the left dang it!…Kssh."

So Ryu leapt from his place a few feet away from the now annoyed Hororhoro, shouting at the top of his lungs as the others shook their heads.

"_LEEROY JENKINS_!"

Faust was startled, but managed to place his parasol between the stream of water from Ryu's water-gun and his face just in time. He cringed for a minute, still hiding, and then realized that nothing was going to happen. He came out from behind his now thoroughly soaked parasol and said, "Hah!" triumphantly. Unfortunately for him, everyone else chose that moment to shoot their water-guns at him.

"Nooooooo!" he shouted. He blinked for a minute. "Oh hey, that feels nice!"

Ren facepalmed again.

"I told you we shouldn't have used cold water!"

* * *

Humming the Mission Impossible theme, and skulking around like a spy, Horohoro organized another attack. This time, their (pink) water-guns were loaded with hot water, as per Anna's and Ren's suggestion. They charged outside again, only to suddenly be in the shade.

"Odd, I don't remember-" Yoh started, but before he could finish his sentence, he was hit with a grenade-patterned water balloon. Naturally, as water balloons almost always do, it didn't pop on impact with Yoh's body, rather it popped on the ground all over his sandaled feet. He fell down, his arms spinning to try and keep himself upright, but it was to no avail.

"Man down! AHHH!" The screaming started as they scrambled to get out of the way of the hot water filled balloons that began to fall in earnest. Faust laughed in that maniacal way of his, and the others wondered only one thing:

'Where the heck did he get so any water balloons in such a short time?'

It looked hopeless without a new strategy, so Horohoro called out the retreat.

"Run away!!!" And they did. Watching this, Faust shined his nails on his coat smugly, though why he was still wearing it in the pool, no one even bothered to fathom.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon, and the temperature was at its peak. They decided to make one last run of it, and got into their positions for the last time.

"CHARGE!!!"

Faust couldn't get his water balloons thrown fast enough, they just kept coming relentlessly. Faust pulled his parasol over himself as they all fired collectively, but still had to yelp at the sudden shock.

"Oh my _gawd_! I give, I give!" Faust put his hands in the air, stood up and started to step out of the pool. The others cheered at last, excited to be able to use the kiddy pool. But Faust smirked, tripping on purpose in order to tear a new, larger hole in the pool's side. The others looked on with mouths agape.

"How… How could you?!?"

"Very easily. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go get dried off." And with that he walked away.

Wind blew in the background but no one moved a muscle.

"This is all your fault, Horohoro! If you hadn't had these stupid plans, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place!"

"Oh yeah? Bring it on, pansy!"

They both went to the remnants of the pool to fill their water-guns, and an all out war broke out. Ryu attempted to make peace.

"Hey, it's not either of your faults that Faust did that! Hey, stop already-" He was shot in the face with two streams of cold water simultaneously. "Okay, that's it!"

Soon everybody was involved.

* * *

By the time it was evening, everyone was totally soaked and shivering. Faust came out of his room to smirk at them.

"Now, if you had just thought of that before, you wouldn't have been so hot all day!" he said cheerfully.

Everyone shared a glance.

"Let's get him!"

END


End file.
